Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
