Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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