I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
