Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
