and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
