Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
