then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
