how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
