One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
