He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
