I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
