Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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