I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
