I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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