i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Randomize
