Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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