so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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