girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
