he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize