this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
