Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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