Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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