This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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