oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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