You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
