so that wasnt chicken after all
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
