sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
