You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
