I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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