i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
