There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
