walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
