How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
