Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
