he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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