If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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