apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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