P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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