I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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