Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
