I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
