You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
