Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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