I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
