I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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