Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
