so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
