Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
