I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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