yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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