Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
