So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
