So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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