i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
