sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I want a musical about memes.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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