I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
